Yesterday I spent the night at home instead of in the dorm at NESI so I could keep Bonita company. On my drive from Standish to Portland I reflected on some dinnertime interactions I'd had with teachers at the institute.
There's the loneliness of being single or of being away from family and friends, and I can handle that. But for me there's nothing as profoundly lonely as not feeling able to connect personally with another musician. Theoretically, that's one thing music is good for: putting aside "real life" and reaching people on a different level, even when you can't connect with them in any other way. When someone plays beautiful music and then I find out they're not as beautiful inside, though, sometimes I'm so disillusioned that I can't enjoy their music anymore. My mom would call that overreacting. I just call it being utterly lonely.