During the second full week of school you start to see what the students are really like. This year's students were right on schedule, sneaking out to smoke, going to the bathroom and then loitering in the hall for 15 minutes talking to the Fashion Merchandising girls, swearing, throwing things...phew! I was beginning to think there was something seriously wrong with these kids! Thank god they're behaving normally.
At PATHS we have a "Progressive Discipline" sheet. This is not progressive because it's forward-thinking, but because it tracks a student's "progress" towards getting suspended. I'm not sure whether I'm the only one who finds this funny--certain administrators take this stuff very seriously. It's in quintuplicate. There are 5 sections on it. The first time I kick a student out, I fill out Section 1 of the top sheet (which copies through onto the 4 other sheets), tear it off, and send the student to the office with it. The second time, I fill out Section 2 of the now-top sheet, which has a carbon-copy of the last offense in Section 1, etc., etc. After 5 offenses (or sometimes fewer), the student is suspended or expelled or whatever.
Today in the P.M. class I held up The Sheet and said, "this is our Progressive Discipline Sheet. I have to fill it out when I send you to the office. Please don't make me use it." Just at that moment I almost snorted, because I had this vision of my brother standing on the winners' box at a college diving meet, grinning, holding a can labeled "Whoopass" and pointing to it. Silent caption: "don't make me open this."
Maybe I should get a can of Whoopass for my classroom? Hmmm. I suppose I'd have to name it something else.